One, two, buckle my shoe.

Happy new year, everyone! For the first time, I am very excited to see what the upcoming year has in store for me & my family. Life has changed tremendously in the past year, and all for the better...my 'Good Karma' is finally starting to come around, I believe. I believe that I have worked, and continue to work, as hard as possible to redeem my mistakes and bad choices in the past, and now I am finally being rewarded for my sincere efforts. I used to think that happiness was something that, if deserving enough, would just end up on your doorstep one morning on your way out to get the paper. Boy, was I wrong; Oh, the naive ways of my childhood (yet I thought I knew it all!) I have never in my life been any happier than what I am at this very moment. I really have began to leave my past behind me. My vices no longer have a death-grip on me. I can finally take that deep breath of air that I've needed for so long.

Our final day of the new year did not look as if it was making way for a bright entry into the future, however. It was a day of hell, lol. First-thing yesterday morning, we found out that we would not be getting our new tags for our vehicle (which expired this morning), due to the simple fact that we don't have insurance. They have never said anything about having/not having insurance before when Daniel has gotten them renewed. It wouldn't be such a big deal, but we absolutely cannot afford insurance right now. Our car payment (which we can't afford either) is outrageous...to the point that we wish someone would blow up the damn thing. But even if we found a way to scrounge around and be able to make that payment, there's no way in hell we could afford the insurace! That's another $250/mo, because Wells Fargo financing company requires you to have the maximum coverage available on any vehicle you finance through them. So...yeah...haha. I seriously laugh out loud at the thought of affording those two things. And seriously people, I don't understand how a family making any less than what Daniel does at his job actually survives in this world!

Sheweee, this is something Daniel & I have been pondering on a lot lately. It makes me so damn mad that people can be out here, have 8 kids, NO job or any type of income for the family except government assistance......and yet, these people have a drug habit, somehow they always seem to have gas in their cars, always shopping here or there for something.....HOW THE HELL DO YOU FUCKERS DO IT?!?!? I'm talkin about the people who, for some reason, have a hand full of pills, a fridge full of food & drink, a tank full of gas, a carton of cigarettes, a Fifth of Jack....and yet they are hittin their Mama up for this month's rent. How do people like this tend to live so lavishly, but all the while not being able to afford it. I don't think I am really getting this out the way I wanted to...I have a tendency to do that w/ my blog sometimes. But I mean, it really just has aggravated me this past month to see people living way out of their means even with the economy the way that it is. These people are the fucking idiots of the nation, and in my personal opinion need a swift kick in the ass (across the Pacific to somewhere in China...).

It's just that it's very, very discouraging to be doing the very best we can, and making it just fine, but not being able to afford the luxuries in life.....and then see someone in a broke-down pickup truck walking around with a Coach purse and arms-full of shopping bags and groceries. Or see people who aren't workin' a damn day at all able to afford the Clinic the way they do, like it's nothin' to them. It's very frustrating to see now that we have worked so hard to get here, to North Carolina, to a better life, to being back on our feet - it's frustrating to see people who don't do jack shit to better their quality of life getting shit just handed to them, like they're getting a favor done for them. You know, Christmas was wonderful. I truly, truly enjoyed it. But we didn't have the money for Christmas. We made ourselves have the money, but we didn't ya know. So we didn't get each other much...Daniel got the phone he had been wanting really bad, and he has worked his ass off to deserve a fancy phone like he's got - so he got it. I gave him some of my Christmas money to help him get it, and he used some of his own money, too. He got me a bad-ass Mastodon tee, took me out to dinner at Cracker Barrell, got me some amazingly comfy PJ's...and that's all I can think of, I think that's it. We barely were able to get anyone in the family a gift, and Maddy comes first always, so we didn't really care too much (at first, then we started to get really down about it the closer the day came). Maddy, however, made out like a bandit. But the thing is, we didn't do anywhere near what we wanted to do for her. Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean that rent isn't still due.....or the rest of our bills. So we did as much as we possibly could for her, but I know that Daniel still wanted to do more. He especially wanted to be able to do more for himself, and me too. We have come such a long way this past year that we deserved to have an awesome Christmas.

In the end....I have realized that I got my awesome Christmas. I got the Christmas I felt like I deserved. It may not have come in the form of wrapped gifts.....but it damn sure came in the form of Spiral Ham & Green Bean Casserole! Dinner was definetly my favorite part of Christmas. Daniel's grandmother cooks so damn good! His whole family does, really! Mmmmm....and I always get the foods that my Mother never fixed when I was a kid, so that makes it even better!!! Up until Thanksgiving '07, I was a Green Bean Casserole virgin!

Lol, really though....this was a very, very special Christmas & New Year for me this year. 2009 is very significant for me. You know how there's certain time periods in your life that have a sort of "haze" to them, and each "haze" is it's own, so that way you instantly know what time period you are reminiscing at the very second you sense the "haze"....right? Right. Well, 2008 is definetly one of the years in my life that has a very unique "haze" about it, very distinct. It's been a life-changing year, a year that I absolutely could not have left out of my lifetime....it was such an important part of the "new me" that I have become...along with my "new life", and also my "new relationships". The joy & happiness I've been blessed with, the way I feel like I'm right where I need to be, the opportunity to better my quality of life, the wholeness I feel upon completing this year....I just can't describe everything that this year encompasses for me. This year is very, very special.....I feel as if I have been blessed tremendously by someone, something...blessed for making 'becoming a better person' my top priority......

The past year has blessed me for being the wonderful, loving, generous, caring, and dedicated Mother, Lover, Daughter, and even (Grand)Daughter-In-Law that I have become throuought this past year. Thank you, 2008, for being the best year of my life.....so far, anyway.